


Comparisons

by enochiansammy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Self Confidence Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-19
Updated: 2014-08-19
Packaged: 2018-02-13 20:44:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2164560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enochiansammy/pseuds/enochiansammy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Um, hi. You're a really talented writer, and you're really, really nice, so I was just wondering if you could please write an imagine where Dean is really insecure and he keeps comparing himself to Sam? You don't have to if you don't want to, I just think you're an amazing writer, and it would turn out really well if you wrote this imagine. Okay, um, thank-you." -As requested Anonymously to my tumblr</p>
            </blockquote>





	Comparisons

His eyes were distant and he aimlessly tapped his fingers on the table. The windows were scummy; misty with the sky’s tears and the tapping simply beat along with the rolls of thunder. 

"You sure you don’t want some coffee?" You poured yourself some of the boiling liquid into a cracked mug and set the pot back down, wrapping your fingers around the warmth and tilting your head to take in his solemn gait.

He’d been sad lately, not his usual jokey self with that cocky smile that you love so much. 

"Nah, I’m okay." He shrugged and momentarily paused his tapping to meet your eyes before breaking away and staring back out the window. 

Silence descended with a cold hopelessness. “Do you ever wish that I was different?”

The sudden speech took you by surprise.

You laughed, shaking it off. “Sometimes I wish you were taller.”

He didn’t appreciate your joke and you instantly regretted it. “Sorry.” You looked down and frowned. “I didn’t mean to-“

"No, no it’s fine." He cut you off and matched your pained expression. "I know what you meant."

Once again the silence settled and you broke it with your footsteps, briskly stepping across the tiles onto the carpet in the adjacent living room where Dean sat at the table. His face was in his hands and you stared distantly at him as you sipped your coffee. It was too hot and scolded your mouth so you placed it back down and focused solely on taking in Dean’s posture.

He was slumped and his body seemed heavier than usual as he relied on the table to hold him up. His brilliant green eyes were dim and sad and his fingers continued to tap broken beats on the table. You reached out a hand and clasped it over his, stopping the continuous mocking sounds. 

"Dean what’s up?" He didn’t answer, staring still at the wood surface "I’m serious, you’ve been acting weird lately. Especially when Sam is around."

His face finally changed and he sighed, running his fingers through his hair. 

"I just-" He spoke with conviction but suddenly stopped short

"You what?"

"What if you realise that Sam’s better than me?"

Your eyes widened in shock and you stared at him, completely still for several seconds.

"Dean, what are you talking about?"

"Don’t act like you’ve never thought about that before." His voice took on a new, bitter tone and his face hardened. 

You met his change of tone with your own and rose from the table, resting your hands on it and looking down on him.

"Actually as a matter of fact, I haven’t. Don’t assume things." You paused again, allowing him to think about what you’d said before continuing "Now will you just tell me what you mean?"

"Do you ever get that feeling that you’re just not good enough? Well I’ve got that feeling right now. And always."

"Dean there’s no-"

He cut you off “Just listen, please.”

There was a pleading tone to his voice that made you shut up instantly and sit back down, holding his hand like a child.

"Sam got into college, Sam was going to make something of himself and I took him away: I ruined him but still he’s not judging me and still he looks up to me." He broke from your grasp and threw his face into his palms momentarily before looking back up straight into your eyes "He’s the bigger man. In all figures of the word. And I’m pathetic. In all figures of the word."

He sensed you were about to interrupt him so spoke on, not letting you get a word in.

"I ain’t clever and I ain’t got a prospect in life going for me. I’m not tall and I’m not talented but then there’s Sam." His gritted teeth reminded you of a jealous teen "Sam’s clever, Sam’s talented, Sam’s selfless…and what am I?"

A solitary tear escaped his eye.

"I’m nothing, I’m a zero."

For a moment the two of you sat in complete silence and he flinched away from your touch, denying to the right to touch his shaking hands.

"Dean, you’re not a zero. You’re infinite."

He smirked somewhat but you could see him melting, letting his guard slip.

"Is that some cheesy movie quote?" He still didn’t look up, twisting his hands together "I don’t recognise it."

"Hey I thought that was quite good if I may say so, and I heard it from a friend." You smiled into the nothingness. "As crappy as it sounds, I mean it. Dean you’re the most important person in the world to me."

Now it was your turn to blink out a small tear and you let it run down your cheek, over your lips and down your chin. Dean raised a gentle hand and stroked the tear from your chin with his thumb. 

"I love you. Y/N you’re my world."

"Well then you need to believe what I say, you’re worth so much more than you could ever imagine. You’re everything, if not more, than what Sam is. You’re so selfless you even went to hell for him, now tell me you’re still a zero?"

He didn’t say a word but you could see a smile creeping into his eyes.

"You can name and kill any monster in the world, now tell me you’re not talented?" 

And again.

"You’re over six foot tall, now tell me you’re not tall?" A small giggle escaped you which was the tipping point for Dean and he let himself go, a smile stretching his lips. "Stop comparing yourself to Sammy, you’ll never be the same but you’ll forever be just as amazing as you’ve ever been."

His hand rose and cupped your cheek softly, stroking over your cheekbones carefully with his thumb and leant in slowly. His lips met yours and he kissed you. A kiss full on angst and regret but overpowered by love and understanding.

"I love you Y/N." Dean spoke with a whole different voice that you were sure you’d never heard before, so quiet and modest. 

"I love you too."


End file.
